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Treadmill to Oblivion
- Sales Rank: #4059514 in Books
- Published on: 1956
- Binding: Hardcover
- 240 pages
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"Playing an organ solo midway through a comedy show is like planting a pickle in the center of a charlotte russe."
By Annie Van Auken
Fred Allen's TREADMILL TO OBLIVION (1954) is a quick read, mainly because half the book is lengthy reprints of radio show scripts.
Allen's decision to quit radio after 17 seasons was due to low ratings, sky-high blood pressure and changing times. As he comments in the last couple of pages, "Television was already conducting itself provocatively, trying to get radio to pucker up for the kiss of death....When television belatedly found its way into the home, after stopping off too long at the tavern, the advertisers knew they had a more potent force available for selling purposes. Radio was abandoned like the bones at a barbeque."
Throughout the book, Fred has nothing but contempt for ad executives-- untalented, clueless individuals (in his estimation) who constantly interfered with format and content. Twice he was forced to abandon popular runnng gags because some ad man found them boring. His "Town Hall Tonight" theme was axed by another genius sponsor's rep, who thought the concept was "corny."
Yet for all those years and despite outside interference, Allen and scriptwriters like Herman Wouk soldiered on, assembling one of radio's wittiest programs.
One running gag that couldn't be silenced was the Benny/Allen feud, a chance invention that was born the night Allen had a child violin prodigy on as a guest. After the kid knocked off a brilliant rendering of Schubert's "The Bee," Fred openly challenged Jack to equal the feat, a bold move, as Benny had radio's most popular show. The resultant series of tongue-in-cheek insults Fred and Jack traded for many weeks culminated in an off-mike fistfight between the two on Benny's broadcast, one described by announcer Don Wilson. The charade was immediately revealed when the "combatants" were next heard fondly reminiscing about their vaudeville days.
Samples of this feud and its resoluion are in Fred's book.
Another reprint of a memorable broadcast is of Britisher Capt. Knight and his Golden eagle, Mr. Ramshaw. The script was abandoned when Ramshaw took wing in the studio and wouldn't return to Knight's arm. He also let loose with some ad-lib eagle "bombs." Allen's program continued while in the background, Knight was frantically tryng to capture his naughty bird. Forty minutes of sustained audience laughter drowned out anything Fred and cast had to say.
Fred's "inside the show" comments are too few. Although a reader familiar with him, wife Portland, Benny, George Jessel, Orson Welles and other guests can imagine their voices while perusing these pages, it's not as much fun as listening to broadcasts. The denizens of Allen's Alley equally suffer from the printed word.
The book is divided into four sections: IN THE BEGINNING, TOWN HALL TONIGHT, THE NEW THEME and ALLEN'S ALLEY. There's no photos. Segment titles and the end page are decorated with Al Hirschfeld line drawing caricatures of Fred. (One of these is also the dust jacket art.)
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To really hear Allen "speak," check out the posthumously published memoir of his pre-radio life, MUCH ADO ABOUT ME (1956).
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